YOU DUN FINALLY ARRIVED AT

REDNECK PECKERWOOD.COM

 

"LOOKING DOWN ON DA WORLD.....FROM ATOP A DOUBLE-WIDE"...

 

Furst of all, dis ain't lak no oter web-site you mite a dun ventured to:  We ain't got no fancy, New York, web designer. Dis be's a home-made site.  Instead of clicking to go to another page, you has to scroll way down to da bottom of each page afoe you gets to click on ober to another page.  If you gets lost...It's yo own Damn fault...........Good Luck.........You gonna need it......

Befoe you goes any further, eberbody mus take da 'Beer Drankin Eye Test'...Click on Button, Below.
Flash movie
MOVIE MUST BE PREVIEWED BEFORE PROCEEDING!!!!

Rite under dis message be sumthang dey calls Blogging.  We ain't learnt how to do it yet but Odell Washburn wut work ober to Haynes Wrecker Service say dat if we gonna get anywear in dis life, us needs to be a Blogging.....So hear it is.  If anybody know how to do it , please show us how so us can lern. Lawd help us all............

CLICK RITE HEAR TO BE A BLOGGING WIT SUM REDNECKS

"Yall come on in."
'PRESIDENT & CEO'
...Darnell "WoodRat" Ratford and wife Florene, wit they dog, Lester, at they trailer house in Viola, Arkansas.  "WoodRat" be's on disability from da paper mill and Florene work at da Dairy Queen over to Jonesboro, Arkansas.  They both be's part time Preacher's and Faith Healer's. Boaf  also be's registered Democrats and dun supported  Bill Clinton.  Florene even claims dat The President hit on her onetime, over to the Dairy Queen,  when he come through Jonesboro, campaigning.  They lives in a single-wide, wit Lester. The  child welfare folks dun took all 4 chillen, to this point.  They hopes to be able to keep da twins, wut be due any minute now. They likes staying drunk, hunting and fishing,  watching razzling on the T.V. and going to da stock car races, over to Blytheville, Arkansas.They be CEO and President of RNP.
Media

'Dis be da video of 'Rat ' Ratford, working his job down to da paper mill.'

 

 

Us Distinguished Bored Of Directors
Lester Polyester

'LONELY NIGHT IN DA HOT-TUB'

...Lester Polyester be da  night maintenance manager ober to da  Conroe Rendering Plant, a mule rendering plan wut renders out dem dead mules fer to make glue and stuff..  He stay at the Rising Sun Trailer Park in Cut-N-Shoot, Texas.  His hobbies be, shooting pool, drinking beer, coon hunting and hand grabbing fer alligator garfish. Qualified fer RedNeckPeckerwood status by being so drunk one night at a party, dat he got in da hot tub with a Naked Nymphomanaic and didn't eben know it till the next day, when his buddies told him how much fun they dun had wit her.

 

 

'Dis be da video of Lester's nephiew", Lil Smoky Robinson" Polyester, at his after school job.'

Captain Flynnt

'YA KNOWED DA GIRL WUZ DANGEROUS ....WHEN YOU AXED HER TO DANCE'

...Capt. Flynnt be's da  2nd mate on a Shrimp Boat named 'Up All Nite', out of Bagdad, Florida.  He stays in a double-wide up on Steel Bayou. He enjoy drinking 'Good Scotch Whiskey', eating  mullett, working on his stock car,  buck dancing and making bail.  Qualified for da RedNeckPeckerwood status  fer getting stabbed by da Ambassador's wife fer 'Buck Dancing' all over her Gucci clad feet's..

 

Media
Da short-cut home...

'Dis be da video of Capt'm Flynnt taking da short-cut home, after a nite of Hot-Tubing and Male Gigiloing'.....

 

SALLIE
Sallie

'SALLIE'...

...Sweetheart Sallie be recognized and submitted membership into this fine Redneck club only on the grounds dat she be associated wid TOO many of the REAL things. To start off with, she left the casual atmosphere of a third generation Miami native where she be on the upper rung of the sociaite calender of Coconut Drive and Miami Beach, for the gunshot shattered Poplar Skreet of Greenville, Mississippi, whar her new redneck contractor hubby Uncle Red,  escounced her into the oldest house in de town, built right after the Yankees burnt old Greenville down. She be de onliest white woman on her block and right acroos the
skreet from de Elks Club and One Block East...needless to say that the weekends were always poppin' !!

Dere be no mo' bigger rednecks dan her good frans, Claude "Sandhawg" Powell, Leanna "Big Cooter" Rich, Carla "Little Cooter" Barnes, Trustee"Now if'n you can't trust a Trustee, just who can you trust" Barnes, Colonel "Creeper" Skludge,  Skipper "Mr. Clean" Jernigans, Harold "Uncle Waddie" Burdine, Tait "JaBoo la TOOT" Selden, "Trader John" Weathersby, Sherry "Hell Yes! I'll Go" Smythe, and the biggest redneck of all, Rick Smythe !!!

For her to even be associated with such reprobates, scallawags, underdogs, carpetbaggers, dirt track wheelers, tractor drivers, ballroom dancers, low-down-and-dirty bums, and rif raff, after she be one of the finest and classiest ladies ever to sot foot in the swamps of the Mississippi Delta, she is hereby initiated, indoctrinated and forever will be in the hearts and minds of every redneck peckerwood that ever met her. May God bless her soul and memory.
Duly submitted by,Cap'm "wid tears in my eyes" Flynt

 

Col., Dr. T. taking his medication..

'DA RED HEADEDEST REDNECKPECKERWOOD EBER BORNED'...

Col. Sludge, after spending 5 decades wut dun spilt across 2 centuries, trying to get his degree, dun finally succeeded.  The Col. resides in Shaw, Mississippi and dun put his Doctorate Degree to good use, by immediately quiting his job and retiring to his 1 acre butterbean and okra patch. He enjoys gaspergoo fishing,  hog hunting,  gin drankin(any kind)  and picking the ticks off his ole, wore out, black lab.  Qualified for RedNeckPeckerwood status  fer welding, his priced 19 Point Buck Mount, wut wuz  a road kill, to the front of his red pickup.

 

Media
Family Reunion

Col., Dr. Sludge's, family reunion video.....

'Cooter'

'IT JUS JUMPED OUTTA PARK...AND INTO REVERSE BY ITSELF'...

...Mrs. 'Cooter' Dorsey  stay at Cut-N-Shoot, Texas.  She live wit her house full a chillen's and a husband wut be da mostest wonderful, hardworking, kind, loving, generous, husband on da face of da planet.  She enjoys shopping, talking on da cell phone, shopping and shopping.  One day Mrs. Cooter was pulling outta her driveway in her Tahoe, da same one wut her sweet husband had dun only made six payments on and  had already dun been wrecked two times befoe.  She realized she had dun fergot her cell phone, which be highly unusual, cause she generally have it up to her ear, talking... Mrs. Cooter state dat she "PUT THE CAR IN PARK" and went to git out, an git her phone.  Somehow, when she stepped out of da car, "IT JUMPED OUTTA PARK AND INTO REVERSE".   Da door hit her so hard, it knocked her clean outta her shoes.  She fell to the concrete, atween her moving Tahoe and her husband's car.  Da open door broke the side mirror off and  drug down the right side of da sweet husband's car,  which by dis time wuz bent forward and into da front quarter panel.  Da Tahoe eased on down da driveway and dun a 180 degree turn in da skreet and backed-up into da next door neighbors front yard.  Da only thing wut kept it from hitting they house, wuz dat it got stuck in they front yard, due to all the rain.  Mrs. Cooter  wood like to thank her much underappreciated husband fer sweeping up all da broken glass, picking up all da car parts, wut wuz scattered all over da neighborhood and going to the Garden Center and buying 200# of sand and 1/2 pallett of St.Augustine sod to fix da neighbor's yard......

 

Flossie

'I DON'T BELIEVE US IS MET'...

...Flossie Clolinger be da waitress at Earl's Bar-B-Q in Selma, Alabama.  She be married to her 4th husband, Roy "Mullett-Head" Haynes, for the 2nd time. They live out in the country in a  house wut "Mullett-Head" built, out of  lumber supplies he dun stole, while working at da Home Depot, in Montgomery.  Flossie likes Schlitz Malt Liquor, making babies, cleaning fish and possum hunting. Qualified for RedNeckPeckerwood status by virtue of her introduction to 2nd husband, Lester Polyester. Seems dat Lester's trailer mate wuz having a party and Lester wuz taking a scrub in the bathtub. Weren't no shower curtain nor no lock on da door.  In walks Flossie, hikes up her skirt, drops dem panties and begins to relieve herself.  She looked over at Lester who wuz laying in the tub bug-eyed, and said, "Hello, my name's Flossie, I don't believe us is met.".....................Lester proposed on the spot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

" Brother Pea "

'BROTHER PEA'...

...Brother Pea stay over to Metcalf, Mississippi where he was born and raised.  He grows Turnip Greens and Field Peas.  He were a eye-witness or a unwilling participant to de world famous, Continental Rub.  He been known fer years, as da tighest white-man, wit his money, as anybody, in da whole Washington County, Mississippi.  He been nominated fer Red Neck Peckerwood status, on two reasons. First reason be dat he were da sole eye witness to da World Famous, Continental Rub wut was administered sum years ago.  Don't ax no questions.........Second, he be nominated for his tightness.  Brother Pea used to drive his long, black Cadillac over to Greenville, to Mr. Bernie Brillstein's store, called Bernie Brill's Poor Man Store, on Washington Avenue.  Brother Pea would park rite in front and go in and shop half de day, den spent de rest of de day arguing wit Mr. Bernie bout de prices and how much he gonna pay.  One morning he spied a suit throwed over in de corner, of de stoe.  Brother Pea run over and cerned it to be one of dem Hartz, Schaffner & Marx suits, like dem rich folks from up to Shaw wears.  He tried it on and it almost fit, sept for the ass end of dem britches was eat out, like sum dog dun chewed somebodies ass up.  Sho-nuf, das wut had dun happened.  Seems they been rioting over to Minter City, a few weeks fore dis and de Police dun set loose de German Shephards , wut took control of dem rioters.  De suit come in to Bernie, shortly after dat.  Well Brother Pea purchased dat suit, took it home and duck taped dat ass seam back together and he been wearing it ever sense, matter -of-fact, he wearing it in dis picture..

 

Flash movie
Eye Exam

'BROTHER PEA'S....FREE EYE EXAMS'...

Dr. Hurricane "Buck-Stepping" Buc

'MISS OLE MISS'

...Dr. Hurricane "Buck Stepping" Buc, be a known, Doctor of Phsycology and stays in Kiln, Mississippi.  She live in a house and have a 42' Hunter Sailboat, wut she keep ober to Leon's Boat Dock & Bait Shop. She enjoys shooting dice, drinking Martini's, topless sailing and eating boiled chittlins.  She attained her RedNeckPeckerwood status by singlehandly doing wut, The University's of: Notre Dame, Oklahoma, Alabama,  Penn State  and Texas couldn't do.  She stopped da entire offensive line of da National Champion, Ole Miss Rebels, dead in they tracks, by merely walking by da practice field one ebening.  After da incident, Coach Johnny Vault said: "Boys, practice be's over, you sum bitches ain't gonna be worth a Damn, da rest a dis day...........Well the next day was Homecoming Saturday at Ole Miss and no truer word's had eber dun been spoke.  Itawamba Junior College beat Ole Miss 2-0 on a safety of All American Quarterback Archie Manning, in da last minute of the game....

 

Judge "Dynamite" Rufus

'BLOWED UP IN STYLE'

...Judge "Dynamite" Rufus stay in Collierville, Tennessee.  She be President of, Rufus Beaver Dam Extraction Services, Inc., and be a life member of PETA.  She likes Mint Julips, men's championship mudrazzling, see thru, summer sun dresses and skinning dead beavers.  She achieved da ultimate status symbol by being recogonized, as a RedNeckPeckerwood wile attempting to blow up a beaver dam near Walls, Mississippi.  Da Lady Judge had dun parked her new Ford Ranger pickup too near da beaver dam she wuz gonna blow up.  She packed the dam wit 22 sticks of dynamite and installed a 40 second fuse.  After lighting dat fuse she went to get in her truck and discovered she dun locked da keys inside.  Wearing only a pair of flip flops and a polka-dotted, see-thru sun dress, she dropped down in the mud and crawled under da truck jus as da dynamite blowed up.  Well it blowed out all da windows in da truck and covered the insides wit mud and beaver parts...........Her beer cooler and all her beer wuz destroyed in the blast.........

 

'Major Mayor'

'DA MAJOR MAYOR'

...The 'Major Mayor' be de sho-nuf Mayor, of a city, wit a population of something under, 100,000 peoples. Da city be in the Southern part of de United States.  It be famous for Kiamie's Bowling Arena, 'Dirty Charlie's Cafe and de Hotel where the 'Original Twin Spin' dun took place.  'The Major Mayor' , always be running a clean city and nobody cause any trouble, that is until  two of her brothers dun decided to have a party, there.  She be somewhat apprensenive bout dem two retrobates coming to where she be a respected leader of de community. She knew  dem boys was known, Red Neck Peckerwoods and they hung wit known, Red Neck Peckerwoods.  On de day they come to town, half of dem parked they trucks in her front yard, the other half parked in Mr. Charles Lattimore's cotton field. One of the brothers dun arrived in his ole truck pulling a horse trailer, wit a Cajun  hog cooker, in da trailer.  Behind dat he wuz pulling....... a 'sho-nuf' cannon.  He dug a pit in the cotton field and commensed to cooking hogs, in de Pit.  Everbody was dranking. Da other brother rode over to de Square, to da Courthouse, where her office were and run a Rebel Flag up de flag pole. Back at de house, they wuz cooking and shooting dice and dranking and cussing and fighting and launching hot air balloons and shooting off de cannon. By de end of da weekend da women and children of the city had boarded demselves in they households and de men folk, dun formed a posse and de Peckerwoods was all in jail.  Eben after all dat, the Mayor keep getting re-elected . By default.... for being related to dem two Red Neck Peckerwoods... 'The Major Mayor', now be a registered member of Red Neck Peckerwood...............................

 

E-Mail Us At:  Lester@RedNeckPeckerwood.com

Now get yo 'Butt' on ober to Page 2..